New discoveries

After a busy and inspiring few weeks I have finally been able to sit down, re-read the Module 2 Handbook and try to understand not only what I need to do but also the theory behind what I need to do. During our Skype on Sunday I realized that I had gone about this Module backwards. I read the handbook over Christmas, but to be honest, I didn't really pay attention to what I was reading. When this term began I dove into trying to pick a research topic. I took 40 books out of our local university library all on dance education, ballet, and modern technique. I browsed over each, categorizing them and pull out potential areas of research. Then our studio got busy and I left my MA work for a few weeks. And then the Skype call where I realized I had completely ignore the handbook and wasn't even aware of the theory behind research.
This past week I have focused on the handbook, digging into Positivist vs Non-Positivist approaches to research and attempting to understand the different research models and data collection tools. I re-read the handbook, making notes along the way, trying to grasp hold of a understanding of research. Through this short process I have come to realize that I am a task oriented person, give me a list of tasks and I will do them in order and finish in the given amount of time. Give me a bunch of reading and information and I feel overwhelmed, especially when it is a topic that I have no experience in and vocabulary that is brand new to me. Having read Helen's blog and hearing Helen and Adesola reassure us via Skype, I realize that going into this I do not need to be a master of research theory, nor should it be a stumbling block for me as I begin this journey. However, this past week definitely brought out insecurities in me, I began to feel almost like a fraud. What education and life experience do I have that even compares to what is being asked of me. After talking this over with some close friends last night and re-reading Helen's blog, I have come to believe that although this seems so far beyond my understanding, that is kind of the point of all of this. I am only beginning this journey and have so much learning ahead of me. No, I do not feel like a Masters student yet, but I know that as I work through this material it will begin to make sense and I will feel more and more confident each day. In the meantime, I need to start at square one and build up my "technique" in regards to research and master level education. Almost as though I was learning a new dance technique for the first time.

So… I am going to spend this next week reviewing this material, reading literature about research and working through the "steps" listed in the handbook - in reference to my top choice for inquiry. All the while focusing on the belief that I am capable of this, even when doubt overwhelms me.